Is nothing Sacred? Monty Python told me those wrigglers were!

Is nothing Sacred? Monthy Python told me that "every sperm is sacred". (See below) Now the Ladies of the Night, in Sydney are anticipating a growth spurt from a Papal Visit. Surely not!

"Make mine a Ratzinger Springer, please!"

Would you rather a "Bend-over Benedict"?

Now if only Monica Lewinsky had worn one of Benny's white dresses, those white marks would never have been noticed!

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Message from Crikey.com.au 11.6.08

12 . WYD heaven-sent for brothel industry

Former tax office auditor and legal brothel industry lobbyist Chris Seage writes:

A report by Industry analysts IBIS World has predicted boom times for Sydney's br-thels, str-p clubs and pr-stitutes, primarily on the back of a marked increase in tourism levels as a result of the Catholic Church's World Youth Day (WYD) to be held from Tuesday 15 to Sunday 20 July 2008. The news could not have come at a better time for Sydney's brothel barons as the s-x industry in NSW buckles from loyal punters curtailing their c-rnal pleasures under the pressure of rising interest rates, the cost of petrol and the general cost of living.

IBIS World were quick to clarify their controversial prediction by stating that s-x services customers would also be drawn from many people outside the church including tourists, support staff and the media. Surely they don't mean journalists?

Brothels in Sydney are experiencing a severe downturn in business due to the cost of living pressures on ordinary Australians. Long standing brothel owners have never seen it so bad. No longer can punters afford between $300-$400 out of their weekly pay packet for a one hour session at a nice b-rdello.

The average weekly wage is around $1124 so you can understand why punters are struggling to balance rent and mortgage repayments, petrol and food – let alone a weekly nookie! It is my belief and I have told the Adult Business Association this, that prices for s-x are too high.

To remain competitive in an environment of spiralling costs of living and an unsympathetic state government allowing over 700 illegal brothels to trade freely in NSW they must become more competitive. In this context the WYD is a welcome event for the s-x industry.

The management of Sydney's Golden Apple expects the Pope's visit to generate increased business during his historic visit. "Such an event would clearly increase tourism throughout the period of his stay and we look forward to meeting many interesting clients", said Manageress Kat Klien.

Suzhen Wu, owner of City Touch in Erskine Street and three other br-thels in Sydney suburbia said she was looking forward to a good week's trading. "Big events like APEC, the Rugby World Cup and the Olympics always bring an increase in business. It should be no different to WYD. I am preparing for this event by having all ladies available during that week", said Ms Wu.

In a light hearted way she quipped, "I may even save on business expenses as I assume the Catholics will bring their own c-ndoms."

Crikey is unsure whether there will be APEC-like promotional packages available to the WYD patrons. Readers will recall how popular the Presidential Platter and the Condi Combo were during APEC.

I don't think br-thel owners are brave enough to come up with clever promotional names during an esteemed religious event that would only put the public offside.

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Lyrics - as published:

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

MEN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,...
CHILDREN:
...God get quite irate.

PRIEST:
Every sperm is sacred.
BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.
NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed...
CARDINALS:
...In your neighbourhood!

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's.
MOURNER #1:
Mine!
MOURNER #2:
And mine!
CORPSE:
And mine!

NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

EVERYONE:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!
http://www.lyricsdepot.com/monty-python/every-sperm-is-sacred.html